and then it rained and rained

Our street. The car that got stuck there is a hummer.Water almost made it to the window.

I am still getting my head wrapped around how drastically life can change in an instant. Three weeks ago today severe storms swept through the Chicagoland area and many areas flooded. Unfortunately our house was one of the unlucky ones that got hit hard. I'm not talking oh, the basement flooded with an inch of water. That is distressing, of course, especially when the water gets mixed in with sewer water. ick. But we're talking 2-3 feet of water filling my studio and the garage. We also had 6 inches of water in the house. We were living in a ranch house, meaning it's one level. So when we say we flooded, that means the house flooded. Two of our neighbors had to be evacuated from their homes by a rescue boat. A boat!! I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw that.

I wasn't able to get to my studio until the third day after the storm because the water had been so high. When I finally went in there and saw the extent of the damage, my heart just sank. Three feet of water had filled my studio. And completely destroyed years of works on paper and canvas. All my journals that I've kept since I was in grade school had been submerged in water for over 24 hours. Every book and magazine I had ever been published in- turned to mush. My collections of images and paper, ruined. I would open a drawer and water would pour out.

Up until that third day, I had kept it together. Even though we were forced to leave the house and stay with my mother and father-in-law. But seeing my studio completely trashed, filling contractor bag after contractor bag with destroyed artwork and supplies, opening a crate where I had put framed family photos in and seeing my baby girl's framed portrait submerged in dirty water...well, I just lost it. A studio space is sacred space. It's not just a place where you work. It is who you are. It is refuge. It is where you commune with what makes you, you. Artwork and journals are personal history. It's not a piece of furniture that can be replaced. Once created, it's always holds a part of the creator in it. All gone. So grateful that the majority of my current work is in my solo show right now!

I could go on and on, but I'll spare you and myself the details of loss and sadness. I know it could have been worse. Our home was a temporary one in that we were renting after we sold our house in November while we figured out where we wanted to settle permanently. But it was still our home. And it was flooded. When water starts to fill up your home, you scramble and start moving all you can to higher ground. But then there comes a point, especially in a severe flood like this one, where there's nothing you can do and you just watch the water rise. And rise. It's 3 weeks out today since the last time we were able to sleep in our home. I feel for my children to have to deal with this. They are resilient though and life goes on, is something they have learned. That our home is us. We take it wherever we go.


8 years ago, I had written an entry on "loss" in ball point pen. The next page, dated with a stamp was written with non water-proof pen and 8 years later was washed away in a flood.

I have learned many lessons, and some I am still in the process of learning. But one thing that I will never forget, is the kindness and generosity of people who see someone suffering and reach out to help. You really find out about people's character in times of crisis. That was something that I learned early on as a little girl and have relearned many times over in my life. But this time it was in a more positive light. I learned that the artist community that I find myself in is filled with people who see something like this happen and say, "how can I help?"

Shawna Moore in particular reached out and offered her assistance in advocating for me. Because of her, several suppliers have reached out to me to help me recover from the losses in my studio. I will never know how to express my gratitude and appreciation to her and to them. R&F Encaustics, Dick Blick, Wax Works West, Paula Roland, Giselle Gautreau, Linda Robertson Womack are just a few of the many who I can thank here for sending me packages in the mail and offers to help. But the artist community on Facebook...and the friends and family I have there who have sent me and my family messages, I can't even begin to express my gratitude either. If you've been through crisis, which we all go through at some point in our lives, we all know how far a kind word goes. It's like a lifeline thrown down to someone in a pit. While we may not see who is on the other end of the rope, the fact that there are people there hoping and praying for you and your family is enough to keep pulling yourself up that rope.


Strange things that happen in a 15 year old journal when it's submerged in 2 feet of water for over 24 hours.

It took me 3 weeks to write this. Partly because I have been so exhausted by the end of the day everyday that I just couldn't. I also am not home with access to my computer. And also because how does one put words to an event like this. You just can't.

After my husband and I had thrown all that had been destroyed on our curb and the loss that we had just experienced was now evidenced by anyone passing by, my neighbor from across the way just came over to me, didn't say a word, and just hugged me. And held me there for a few moments. Sometimes words just don't cut it.

Still processing it all. Still going through so many unknowns right now. But taking each day as it comes. It will be ok. We were able to save almost all of our furniture and things inside the house despite the 6 inches in there. So that's a good thing. And life goes on. And my load is lighter. I have so many thoughts about so much of what happened. I know it will manifest in my art when I am able to get back to creating. Not sure when that will be. But I will find a way.


a water soaked image of me and my son when he was 2 years old

3 day adventure in Coupeville

Coupeville, Whidbey Island, WA

Has it been a week already since I got back from teaching my 3 day workshop at the Pacific Northwest Art School?! It usually takes me a bit to decompress from being on the go and to get myself and my family settled back into our normal routine. From April 4- April 6 I was over in Whidbey Island, WA teaching 3 days of making artist books using encaustic. Our focus was on how to incorporate our photographs and images with encaustic and in book from. My experience teaching at the the Pacific Northwest School was fantastic not just because I was in the pacific northwest, my happy place, but because of the wonderful group that came out to experiment with encaustic, book arts, and a variety of mixed media techniques.

On the first day we covered the basics of painting in encaustic. People always come to workshops with such a wide range of experience with encaustic that I like to just make sure everyone is on the same page. So we worked on making covers for one of the books we would be making. So we practiced a variety of panting techniques on small panels.


Kathie Vezzani


Deborah C


Debbie S

On Day 2 we worked on plaster pages that we either bound up as an accordion book or we sewed together to hang down. I showed them the different methods just to get them started and guided them through the different binding options. I think of my role as an instructor as a facilitator, not dictator. These are project based, yes, but the point is not to do it exactly as how I do it. My way is just a starting point.


Kristina working on her book


Deb G's plaster book


another plaster book by Deb G


Kathie Vezzani


Lucy's plaster piece

Lucy works with clay and came to the workshop to learn different ways of bringing encaustic to her clay work. This is a plaster piece she made that is similar to one of her clay pieces she brought in to show me. I loved seeing how she was transferring what she was picking up in the workshop to how she works with clay.

In the afternoon we started working on encaustic and paper and a variety of mixed media techniques. Really fun to see how everyone's books unfolded.




Sara W's encaustic mixed media book


Debbie S


Nancy O's book

On the 3rd day we made journals. Yes, I saved the hardest for last! But we all managed to bind our journals and they all turned out so lovely.


Leslie W's book


Kristina's book

And here we are all together right before we said our goodbyes. A really fantastic group, I have to say. We did so much in 3 days and they were all in good spirits at the end, including myself. Even after saving the coptic stitch binding for last!



I remember on the second morning that I was there, I woke up at the inn I was staying at and thought, how lucky am I? To get to travel to one my most favorite places and guide other creative people in doing the things that I love to do? Very lucky. I am grateful. To see more of the work that everyone did in my workshop, please visit my flickr page and go to the workshops set. I have several workshops on there, but it's the first 40 or so in the set.

When I left Seattle to go back home, I was happy to know that I will be returning this summer, but this time with my family. I'm coming to do an artist talk at EncaustiCamp. I won't be teaching this year because I have a lot going on this summer with my family, but Trish asked me to come talk one of the evenings. I couldn't pass up another opportunity to be in my beloved Seattle! So I'll be there in July, hurrah!

Everything In Its Place

"A place for everything, and everything in its place" - proverb


Everything In Its Place
encaustic mixed media
24x24 inches


This is the last painting I completed that will be heading over to Kindlon Hall later this week for my show "Tactile Spirit". When I started this painting I really felt like I had been in constant juggling mode. Between preparing for the show, preparing for the workshop, doing my business taxes, figuring out summer activities for my kids, to figuring out what to make for dinner, the list goes on and on, there would be mornings where I'd wake up and be in a panic with the thought of how am I going to get it done?!

But rather than being frozen in place, panic can spur me into action with my to-do lists and forces me to get organized. Actually at an opening last fall, I spoke to Kathleen Waterloo, a fellow FUSEDChicago member and a wonderful person on top of that, about the show opportunity and candidly asked her how do I get it all done? And she was so great to actually break it down for me week by week and made it seem actually manageable. Sometimes it just takes a calm voice of reason to make me feel confident that I could do it.

But what I have learned is that even when I have so much to get done and prepare for, that if I have everything organized and in its place, even if it's just a mental thing, then I can handle it. It's more the unknown, the unnamed, the chaos of undetermined tasks that do me in. If I name it, then it can get done. And waking up at 5 in the morning a few times to get some work done before the kids were up helped too.

While 24x24 inches is not a large painting, it is on the large end for me and I really enjoy painting on a much larger surface area. I feel like I have so much more freedom in exploring the surface. I am looking forward to doing more in the future. After this painting I think I will be taking a break from the bowls. I'm not going to say it's the last, because you just never know. Right now though, I am feeling pulled back towards my nature based paintings. We shall see..


detail

Remnants

"Working in white makes people look into it. White is ethereal. There's a purity to it, it makes things look elevated in a way. There's a whole palette of white..." -Jonathan Milne


Remnants
encaustic mixed media
12x24 inch diptych

I am happy with this painting. I can't articulate why. I just am.

Ok, let me try. That is why I have this blog to make myself write and articulate the why's and the what's of my paintings. To explain it to myself, even.

The surface reminds me of skin. It reminds me of the surface of drums, the kind that I've seen and touched at a drumming ceremony that I was lucky to attend many years ago. An artist friend of mine told me in a message that one of my bowl paintings where I stitched together stained papers to form a bowl shape reminded him of a ceremonial drum, which then reminded me of the symbolism of the heartbeat of the earth. And that thought has stayed with me.

The subtlety of the surface speaks to me. Soft. Quiet. Smooth. But textured as well.

It is such a simple composition, but one that came from a larger painting that I'm currently working on that isn't even finished yet. The part of the painting that inspired this painting is only a teeny tiny bit of the larger painting. Maybe 4 inches total of the larger 24x24 inch surface. When I was working on this tiny fraction of the larger painting, I just knew that I needed to explore those 4 inches on a larger surface area and so I started on this one. And because I have been painting and painting and painting, I feel that I am at a point where I can see something worth investigating in something so simple. Is it confidence? Is it experience? Is it just saying well, why I don't I just try it out and see? Is it just really embracing the notion of less is more?

Hmmmm. I don't think I could have painted this a year ago. I have been working on the whole less is more notion and at times it freaks me out! But it's something I am compelled to follow right now and so I am.


"The writing itself is no big deal. The editing, and even more than that, the self-doubt, is excruciatingly impossible." -Jonathan Safran Foer

I'm in the final preparations for both my show and my Books of Images and Wax Workshop. Talk about deadlines! Luckily though most everything is done. I always make my deadlines at least 2 weeks before the real deadline if I can. With little kids, I just have to. I just can't leave things to the last minute, I have learned. Speaking of last minute- if you are interested in attending the 3 day workshop, get in touch with the school. Even though we're close to the date, we can still make room for one more!

I'm really excited for my show because it's the first time I've had a solo show since my 6 year old son was 9 months old. Preparing for a solo show is very consuming. Well, any show is, but a solo takes it up a notch. Emotionally, physically, mentally and then there's the time. But there are times when an opportunity arises and I just have to put my head down, dig deep, and get to work. And since we've moved in November I haven't had extra help with the kids and so I have had to really dig deep in all aspects. My husband always reminds me that it's better to be tired from doing something that I love to do and that feeds me, than to be disgruntled. Well, I am extremely tired, but content. So I guess he's right in that regard. But he's also one of those crazy mountaineering types who likes impossible challenges. I've always been the type that enjoys the downhill aspect of our hikes. But he definitely has a point and he inspires me to tackle challenges headfirst.


my kids in my studio with me one morning this past winter
I was probably cleaning around them or prepping something for my own studio time

I am really looking forward to seeing my current series up at the Benedictine University next month. And I can't wait to be there with my children and husband too. I am lucky to have a family that supports my creativity. I know this. I will always be grateful.

Moirai

I'm usually working on my own mythology, my own realm of created characters. Stories in mythology inspire me, though I may not be conscious of it. -Anne Rice



Moirai
encaustic mixed media
12x24 inch diptych

I have been so busy lately with finishing up work and preparing for my show coming up at Klindon Hall at the Benedictine University and getting ready for my Books of Images and Wax 3-day workshop out in Washington that I have been lagging behind in writing here. I even forgot to write about this painting after it was done! I've never done that before. And I am surprised by the fact that I forgot because this painting was one of those paintings where I shifted course a bit, pushed through, and learned something.

Well, I actually do feel that I learn something new with each painting. After all, painting is always about finding solutions. But some paintings stick out more than others.

With each painting that I completed with this bowls series, I have been moving more towards abstraction. My bowls are still there, but sometimes it is just a suggestion of the vessel shape, or it's buried under transparent layers of paint. And then there's the laying down of the paint with this painting. I wanted it to be looser, more spontaneous. While that may seem easy to do, for me it's not! I like to smooth things out, create a harmonious balance. But I am learning to create balance or a harmony in spontaneity. While I was working on this one, I texted one of my FUSEDChicago friends, Emily Rutledge, and jokingly told her that I was trying to channel my "Inner Emily Rutledge". I have always been drawn to Emily's work- the energy of it in both the palette, the brushwork, and mark making. And I really was thinking of her work while I was painting.

As for the title, I have always been drawn to the metaphor of life being a woven tapestry. Each person and event being a thread that contributes to the overall weaving. I recall, too, something I learned a long time ago, that in a Navajo rug there is always an imperfection woven into the corner. From what I remember it's where the Spirit moves in and out of the rug. I've always been intrigued by that practice. And then there's the idea of the three Fates in Greek mythology, from where the title comes from.

In Greek mythology, the Moirai—often known in English as the Fates—were the white-robed incarnations of destiny. Their number became fixed at three: Clotho (spinner), Lachesis (allotter) and Atropos (unturnable). They controlled the metaphorical thread of life of every mortal from birth to death. -from www.citelighter.com/history/history/knowledgecards/the-fates

When I started looking up mythology on destiny and fate I was intrigued by the fact that in all the stories across different cultures around the world, the beings that held fate in their hands were always women and they were also weavers. Very interesting...I have always been so fascinated by creation stories and the mythologies that humans have told and retold throughout the ages to explain ourselves to ourselves and to understand our place in this world.

Emerging, Strange and Lovely

"While I'm writing, I'm far away; and when I come back, I've gone." -Pablo Neruda


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Emerging, Strange and Lovely
encaustic mixed media
16x12 inches

While I was working on the last painting, I started this one and I knew I wanted it to be white on white-lighter in feeling. It was interesting working on both at the same time. I was thinking of this part of The Ship of Death poem by DH Lawrence:

X

The flood subsides, and the body, like a worn sea-shell
emerges strange and lovely.
And the little ship wings home, faltering and lapsing
on the pink flood,
and the frail soul steps out, into the house again
filling the heart with peace.

Swings the heart renewed with peace
even of oblivion.

I have always loved reading, but with two young children now and an endless to-do list, reading always seems to get put on the backburner. If a book doesn't grab me, even if it's a good book, I will end up falling asleep after reading 2 pages. Seriously. It's so pathetic! But I feel like I need to make time for it- it feeds me. And I am finding that when I do make time to read, I bring it with me to my studio.

As a kid, the youngest of four, in an often loud and chaotic household, reading was my escape. I fall in love with places and characters. My 6 year old son recently asked me why I love books so much, as evidenced by all the books all over our house. And it was hard for me to answer. Just like why do I love to paint? Why do I like to feel clay in my hands? Push cloth through the feeder on the sewing machine? Chop onions and stir the pot? It's hard to answer without simply saying that it feeds my spirit as well as feeds my imagination. While the writer is the original creator of what I'm reading, as the reader I am also co-creator...Just as the people who stand in front of my paintings, or hold my artist books in their hands, become my co-creators as well. It's a beautiful partnership.

The Longest Journey

The Longest Journey
encaustic mixed media
16x12 inches

A few weeks ago my husband showed me one of his favorite poems "The Ship of Death" by D.H. Lawrence. The first time I read it through I thought, this is a bit morbid. But then I read it again. And again and I saw the strength and the beauty in the words. And a certain couple of lines stood out to me.

VIII

And everything is gone, the body is gone
completely under, gone, entirely gone.
The upper darkness is heavy as the lower,
between them the little ship
is gone

It is the end, it is oblivion.

IX

And yet out of eternity a thread
separates itself on the blackness,
a horizontal thread
that fumes a little with pallor upon the dark.

Is it illusion? or does the pallor fume
A little higher?
Ah wait, wait, for there's the dawn
the cruel dawn of coming back to life
out of oblivion

It's in that 9th verse or stanza, or whatever it's called. I haven't sat in an English class in a long time....but anyway, forgive my ignorance. "And yet out of eternity a thread...."

I have been working the thread so much in my current work on bowls and vessels, that immediately I knew that I needed to bring this poem into the studio with me the next day.


And so I wrote it right on my table, which I cover with paper for easy cleanup. What would I do without my husband sharing some of his favorite writings? My whole bowl series was inspired by by a Raymond Carver poem he showed me back in January 2011.


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I just updated my encaustic workshops page on my website. Take a look and hope you'll join me at one of these three offerings this year.